dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
