I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Your tits are I can't wait for
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
