I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
so let's talk penis.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
