In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
