I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
