I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
