I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
