I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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