What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
