as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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