My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
All I want is dick and wine.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
