If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I look better un-naked...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Randomize
