Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
