when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
