lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
