2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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