Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
