Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
