I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize