I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
