So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
