So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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