i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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