Swine flu. Run for my life!
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
