Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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