so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I think I sprained my soul last night
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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