cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
It's like God shit irony all over that family
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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