playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
