dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
