i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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