And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
