Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
