I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
