Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
