I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
