you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
