What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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