you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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