i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
