Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
