he puts the penis in happiness.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
