hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
