It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
