no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
