I accidentally burped into my bong.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
