She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
