Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
