She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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