Need sex. Gaining weight.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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