i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
