I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
