I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
