so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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