break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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