Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
