I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
