I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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