Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
