i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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