summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
