it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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