She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
