My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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