i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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