What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
