i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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