This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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