her facebook's as public as her vagina
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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