so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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