I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
